Grumpy Techs

I encounter a lot of gossip where I work.  For the most part, I really don’t wish to partake in the gossip as I have a lot better (okay, perhaps not “better” but *more*) things to do than engage in an hour long discussion about how one can see the color of a coworker’s panties through her white slacks to why a senior manager spends so much time in the bathroom to whatever.  Personally, I prefer to go with the mantra of “the less I know, the better.”

That being said, I decided that today’s the day to official start the “gossip timer.”  There are a few individuals who work close to me, one in particular, who has, IMHO, juuuust a little too much time on her hands.  She constantly runs around in a frenzy, sometimes muttering “screw this” under her breath, to the point that I even wonder what she does around here.  Seems like she’d be a lot more productive focusing her energy on her actual work than portraying herself as “the martyr.”  I wouldn’t doubt coming to work one day and she’s in the middle of the floor, on her knees, screaming “SAVE ME, JAYZUSSSSSS!!!!”  I guess I’d have to keep a large distance for fear of lightning tearing through the roof and striking her down.

Alright, the time I started this blog post is 7:55am.  Timer’s ticking…  Oh, and there they go… Off to “whisperland.”

Update:  it lasted exactly 49 minutes.  Next series commences…now…

I’m fat.  I admit it.  I gained a good amount of weight in the past six months or so.  But that’s gonna change this summer when the “reduced” hours kick in and I’ll starve myself.  It’ll be fun!

That being said, I had a great time yesterday running all over the complex, hauling a 150+ pound network laser printer on a little wheelie cart.  Awesome fun.  Especially up to the point when I manhandled the thing off the cart, by myself, and placed it on the filing cabinet only to find out that someone had pilfered the network card right out of it.  Now, you’d think I would have enough common sense to ensure the printer had a network jack in it before leaving the shop.  Oh, no.  GT generally makes *assumptions* that there will be minor little details included such as a network jack or a power cord.  Needless to say, I hauled the printer back to shop where I managed to swiftly dump it on the floor since I failed to realize that this particular printer actually has *three*pieces to it, not two.  Buh bye, “little” printer!

After wheezing my way back to semi consciousness, I got a phone call that someone *else* wanted their printer moved as well.  With the last piece of conventional common sense I could muster, I advised them to put in a work order to request the printer be moved to the other location where I would then promptly appear to load the drivers on each respective workstation.  Common sense #2 fail for ‘ol GT, i.e.  “why didn’t I think of that for myself??”

Finally, back from the dead, I receive yet another call from a “big boss” who wanted me to replace the company workstation we “desperately needed” for him on such short notice with his personal CrapBook.  “Oh, but would we please put the network printer on it? Oh, and, of course, please take the original workstation back.”  Nothing like this place running at peak efficiency here!  Ranks right up there with moving offices and entire departments not only once or twice but THREE times all at the cost of running expensive fiber cable lines, etc.

Nothing like a bit of self-induced stimulus to help keep the company afloat, I guess.  After all, we don’t have anything else better to do.

Lately it’s been the email server but (knock on wood) that seems to be under control.  Now it’s one of the printers.  Only this time, it’s not the printer’s fault.  It’s (again) operator error.  (And, no, I’m not the operator.)

I get an email from one of our “brightest”:

“Hello, GT.  Our printer is out of ink.  What do we do?”

Well, let’s see, there could be a number of options.  You could kiss it gently and try to coax more ink out of it.  You could whack it over the imaging drum with a sledgehammer.  Or you could give me the model number and which color is out and I *might* be able to order it for you.

“Why do you need the color of ink and the model number?  Don’t you know what kind of printer we have over here?”

:::sigh:::  Let’s see…  On this 700+ workstation, 900+ user network which has about 30+ network printers, ummmm, no, I can’t remember which model *your* specific printer is nor do I have any “inkling” (like that one?) of which one of the four color cartridges are out.  Just bloody tell me so I can help you.

“Fine.  Whatever.  It’s a blah, blah and the **** color is out.”

See, wasn’t that fun???  And so painless too!

However, after checking, I discovered that the ink actually has about 30% of ink left.  Now, y’all may feel differently but being the green dude (“green” as in cheap.  I don’t give a shit about the environment.) I hate to waste good money, especially if it’ll save my budget at the end of the fiscal year and I can throw myself a keg party.

“But it says ‘low on ink.’  Just put a new one in.”

Further analysis finally prompts this gem from the end user:

“When I printed something, it came out in black and white.”

Me:  “Well, did you set the print job to ‘color’ for that job?”

Enduser:  “Set the job?  You mean I have to tell the printer to print in color???  Why doesn’t it just know???”

Wow.  Another impressive “rocket scientist.”