“Can You Help Me With My Home Network?”
January 29th, 2009
It’s inevitable. Every Grumpy Tech can relate with this one. You’re minding your own business coding a website or draining a MacBook that someone dumped Coke all over (“D00d, that thing’s been COKE-D!”) when someone comes up behind you and in a loud voice says “I NEED HELP WITH MY HOME NETWORK!!” Granted, the two of you are currently at work, right? Let’s just get that straight. You’re not at this person’s house and you don’t know anything about their network there. For all you know, some monkey could have come along with pieced it together with Cat3 and Zipties. (actually, I do find the latter pretty cool). That being said, there’s a good chance you DON’T know anything about THEIR home network. But, again, I digress.
So this person is demanding advice about THEIR network. Here’s how the conversation might go:
Enduser (duh): “I NEED HELP WITH MY HOME NETWORK!!!”
Me: “Okay, what’s up?” :::sigh::: I know, I was in a good mood.
Enduser: (more calmly now that they don’t think I’m gonna make them feel stupid.) “Well, if I want to send an email out in the middle of an ice storm because the telephone is down and the closest cell tower fell, will I able to do that?”
Me: “You’re asking me if you’ll be able to send an email during an ice storm through an Internet connection that isn’t maintained by me but, instead, by Ma Bell or the ‘cable people’?”
Enduser: “Well, yeah.”
Me: :::sighing::: “Again, you’re asking me if you’ll be able to send an email during an ice storm through YOUR Internet connection that isn’t maintained by me but, instead, by Ma Bell or the ‘cable people’?”
Enduser: “Are we having a communication problem here? I said, YES!!!!”
Me: :::giggling to myself now::: “Okay, let me ask you something. How would I know if YOUR Internet connection is up or not. Am I going to be at your house 24/7 and watching your modem lights go blinky-blink?”
(crickets chirping)
Enduser: “Ummm, well, I guess that wouldn’t be…ummm….I guess not.”
Me: (gently) “No, I’m sorry but I won’t be there. I would suggest, perhaps, calling your Internet provider and asking them if they’ll know if you’ll have your Internet connection in the middle of an ice storm.”
Enduser: :::smiling widely::: “Hey, thanks! That’s a great idea. Thanks a lot!”
And that, my friends, is how a Grumpy Tech gets the big bucks.
