Grumpy Techs

I figured I’m on such a roll with contradictions, I might as well throw another one out there.

Some time ago, I went to the Big Boss and informed him that I want the curmudgeon’s position when he either dies from old age or when he retires.  (He keeps mentioning the latter but the way he coughs and hacks, you’d think he has lung cancer.)  BB already had that in mind so whatever.  Got that covered.  I’m hoping to probably be running my own company when and if it comes to that point anyway but best to keep one’s duckies in a row, eh?

That being said, the three of us had a meeting today, i.e. me, the curmudgeon and BB.  Of course, the curmudgeon in his usually pompous, conceited and arrogant ways, made a strong suggestion that the BB start working on getting a replacement for him because he’ll “charge the going rate which is $120 an hour everytime you’ll call me when I’m retired.”  I couldn’t help but stifle a chuckle since, yes, “we’ll be doing exactly that, much like we did for the whole month you were gone last year playing with cows in Kansas or wherever you went” (I wasn’t paying attention.)  Of course, just as usual as ever, the curmudgeon is completely clueless about my abilities and the BB already having “someone” in mind.

That being said, I think I’ll start messing with the curmudgeon so he’ll realize just *exactly* how old he’s getting.  (“OMG!!!  WTF IS MY MOUSE POINTER MOVING BY ITSELF???” You know, that sort of thing.)

Ever want to ensure your ass is covered but also gain the added bonus of messing with someone without actually planning the latter?  Yeah, that happened to me yesterday.  It just kinda feel into place.

The curmudgeon assigned me this project (the irony of this is that I don’t actually report to the curmudgeon yet he feels entitled to tell me what to do.  Mental note:  might make for an interesting blog post) which left me a bit irritated.  Usually when he works on “big projects,” he brings in outside consulting firms.  That’s obviously probably a good thing because here’s a guy who thinks Web 2.0 and social networking is a “waste of time…I’ll just pick up a phone if I wanna talk to someone.”  (Granted, the guy *is* a dinosaur.)  </digressing> I really think he brings these firms in to cover his ass (actually, not a bad thing, of course) and learn a bit from them so he can regurgitate and share what he’s picked up from their years of knowledge in a couple of minutes to us “I-D-10-T’s,” immediately making him an expert on VoIP, layer 3 switching, virtualization, etc.

Now, the project I’m working on is rather heedy, to say the least.  That being said, I suggested we consider a consultant just in case something goes wrong.  Granted I’ve backed everything up and documented a rollback plan.  However, I admittedly never worked on this type of project before and would feel a little more comfortable with some expertise to fall back on.  Of course the curmudgeon didn’t see it that way to figured “we can do it ourselves.”  That being said, I went to the big boss and mentioned this to him just to ensure my ass is covered.  So, for the most part, I’m safe.

Where does contradiction #1 come into play?  The curmudgeon and I had lunch with a couple of colleagues from a neighboring entity yesterday.  When he mentioned our project, they looked at him and strongly suggested we look into a consultant.  ”Hmmm….that’s probably not a bad idea,” states the curmudgeon.  I just grinned inside my head.  After all, it was *his* idea.

But wait!  It gets better.  After our lunch, we headed back to work where we met with the big boss who the curmudgeon had previously told that he didn’t feel we needed a consultant for this project.  ‘Lo and behold, the curmudgeon changed his mind (go figure) and told the BB that, “perhaps it’s a good idea we look into a consultant.”  Oh, the irony of not only having my ass covered but witnessing the curmudgeon digging an even bigger hole for himself in front of the BB.

Ah, the sweetness…

Today should have started out as a good day.  I actually came in to work early because it’s the all-ever-so-popular JEANS DAY which prompted me to wear a very special t-shirt so I could do some…umm…”stress testing” on the network.  I feel like Superman wearing a Kryptonic plaque on his chest as this thing is glowing.  I also made it over to the ever-so-popular (phrase of the day, apparently, dear readers) dining hall for an early breakfast, even though I was a bit afraid of this, I just didn’t care.  After all, I’m wearing my “super shirt”!

I’m sitting there minding my own business when the Curmudgeon joins me.  “Waaay too early for this,” I’m thinking as I’m stuffing myself with sausage links and homefries slathered in ketchup.  Of course, he starts berading me with questions about the Microsloth Server 2003 to 2008 upgrade and “have I been documenting” and “have you come up with a rollback plan” and “have you backed everything up” and “is the hardware adequate” etc. etc.  Of course, I’m thinking “duh?” but the smartass in me decides to give him a blank look and inquisitively ask “Ummm…what do you mean?  Rollback plan?”  Curmudgeon looks at me with this look of horror that obviously portrays “oh shit, we’re screwed” all over his face.  That being said, I pack up my dishes with a continued puzzled look on my face and said “I *think* we’ll be okay as I’ve unplugged the domain controller to let it cool off and give it a break before I wipe it clean and install 2008.  I’m not going to worry about running adprep or dcpromo or whatever that thing is you do.  No big deal.  See you later!” before I walked off, whistling, mind you.

What’s that screaming I’m hearing?

Every so often I make the mistake of eating at the complex’s cafeteria at dinner time.  Sometimes this is because I’m staying late and am having a killer Quake tournament going on and I’m “stress testing” our ‘Net connection to ensure all’s good.  Oh, but I make sure I give myself maximum bandwidth and allow emails to trickle through every so often.  Can’t have this place shut down completely, of course.  But anyway…

I was enjoying some time to myself in the cafeteria with a few pounds of rare roast beef when an enduser sits down from me and tells me her laptop won’t power on.  I look at the clock (showed 6:30pm), looked at her then looked at the clock again.  Of course, I get the “well-whadda-ya-gonna-do-about-it” stare in return.  “Two can play at that game,” I thought.  So I return the same stare.  Now, I’m really good at this game even though my eyeballs turned into two cotton balls after about three minutes but SHE BLINKED FIRST, DAMNIT!!!  WOO HOOO!!!!  *clearing throat*  I finally tell her that I’m not technically working right now and really just wish to enjoy my dinner.

Enduser:  “Well, what are you doing *here* then??”

Me: *staring down at the plate of cooling roast beef* “I was kinda, sorta thinking about eating this drippy bloody side of a dead cow.  Hey, is that an artery???” (did I mention this woman’s a vegetarian?)

Enduser: *making gagging noises* “I…ummmm….I think I’ll just come back…” *tears out of the cafeteria towards the rest rooms* (Too bad those particular restrooms are locked after 6pm.  I wonder if she found another place to spew.)

Needless to say, I did really well playing Quake.  Maybe I should eat dead drippy cow more often.

Today I was in the midst of working on deploying an Crapple Software Update Server (SUS if you really need me to tell you that), along with setting up an Crapple Task Server and, oh, just so Microsloth doesn’t feel left out, adding a 2008 Server to use as a domain controller to our VM environment.  Needless to say, it was a pretty busy day, especially up to the point when I got this phone call.

Ignorant Junior Techie (IJT):  “I need help with a bunch of computers in my area.”

Me:  “What’s going on?”

IJT: “Well, I want them all to go to the same homepage in Foxfire [sic].  Is there an easy way for me to do this without touching each one at a time?”

Me: “Well, we might be able to deploy a group policy with a script that would automagically set the homepage but I’m a little busy today so I really can’t get to it before next week.”

IJT: “That’s unacceptable.  I need it done today.  Thousands of people are depending on this!!”

Me:  “How many computers are we talking about?”

IJT: “Ummm…[meekly]…10?  Is this something I can do myself?”

Me: “You want me to spend an hour or two working on a group policy to automatically set the homepage for 10 computers so that ‘thousands’ of users will have consistent access?”

IJT: “Ummmm….well, I guess it can wait.”

Me: “Sure it can.  I’ll get back to you *next month.*”

IJT: “Next mo…….”

:::click:::

(Damn VoIP.  It’s never reliable when you “need” it to be.)