Grumpy Techs

Most of us know the drill when it comes to the number of bosses in a “big business” arena (even for those of us working for organizations that try to *act* like they’re “big business”).  They treat us like something out of Office Space, with multiple bosses and “pee-on’s” to answer to.  When you work in I.T., EVERYONE is your boss, even those who expect us to change the toilet paper too. We all have our turns of this, i.e. when a beehive of people attack you at the same time, leaving you writhing on the floor and trying to defend yourself.  Today was my turn.

I put out an email first thing in the morning that said we were gonna upgrade our printer server at 4pm today.  Most of everyone was cool with it, however, one “princess” (we have our share of those) simply wasn’t.  So she cried and moaned to the business manager until he called me on the phone and said that 4pm wouldn’t work and that he had put out a memo previously that said any type of maintenance would be performed after 6pm.  Well, #1, this is the BUSINESS MANAGER and NOT the I.T. Department Head (who, just happened to not be around today so guess who’s the department head today?  Yup, you guessed it.) and #2, the guy doesn’t have a clue that, sub #1, our working hours are from 8am to 4:30pm because, sub-sub #1, we don’t have a 24/7 I.T. shop like most “real companies” and #2, I’m sorry but I’d like to pick up my own bread and milk before the blizzard chaos hits us tomorrow and #3, I’m already schedule to work at 7pm this evening in another department anyway.  Needless to say, he, of course, shared with me a story of when “he was in I.T.” (funny how he’s already shared this story numerous times of how he spent exactly six months in the IT department about 30 years ago working on a help desk; ummmm, big difference, guy.)  Needless to say, I decided to cancel the upgrade altogether until we “officially meet” and determine our work schedule.  I guess this means that I’ll be expected to work from 8am to 4:30pm and then do system updates at 6pm and then work in the other department at 7pm.  Ummm, no, sorry; ain’t gonna do that.

Here’s the kicker: the business manager tells me one thing then the I.T. department head (who actually has NEVER worked in I.T….ever; go figure) tells me another.  And, now, I’m supposed to work around the princess who just happens to want everything available 24/7 “just in case.”  Here’s my overall response:

“Absolutely, we can do system upgrades at 1am but since they’ll most likely impact users, I’ll need to perform some end-user testing with some…well…end-users.  That being said, I’d like a representative from each department standing by to test the updates out and confirm that they’re successful.  I’ll choose who I’d like to assist me as the most adept and helpful individuals who will be able to provide me with superior input and feedback.  My first choice is….yeah….the Princess…”

I win!

Current Mood:  annoyed

Okay, what I’m gonna mention is a true email from an end-user:

“It’s Miss Problem again.  In addition to the little XXX thing, I have another issue and I am not sure how it happened or what to do about it.

I have been getting “Tagged” on Facebook for the last few days, and I know none of the people doing the tagging or how that works.  I have a XXX Facebook page but I don’t think I have a personal facebook page unless I inadvertently set it up.  I’m not sure how a photo of me with my 91 year old mother at the Blah, Blah party has become the center of this little social whirlwind but it’s giving me the creeps.

I have printed out the tagged notices and deleted them, but I’d really like to get these things to stop altogether.  I am clearly not adept at the social media thing, have no time for it in fact…would not have anything to do with it if I was not supposed to for said employer.

Any tips on how I can get this stopped?”

Well, my question to her was simply…”have any more hottie pics of your mom?”  (Sorry, maintaining your Facebook page reeeally isn’t in my job description. Excuse me while I go rebuild a server…”

Okay, seriously, Endusers, I *do* know if the network goes down simply because I would be unable to access World of Warcraft in the middle of the day.  That being said, please don’t tell me that the network has been down ALL DAY ‘cuz, seriously, it hasn’t been.

Also, if you’re gonna leave a voicemail on The Curmudgeon’s phone and his outgoing message states he won’t be in for the rest of the day, shouldn’t common sense dictate that you *might* wanna give me a call if you need help with sometime? I *may* or *may not* bite your head off out of the irritation I experience when I get a call from The Curmudgeon (as he sits in his doctor’s appointment getting his prostate checked.  TMI, y’all?) and I have to get back in touch with you in a silly, roundabout way only to find out that YOU are at a doctor’s appointment too.  (WTF? Is *everyone* falling apart around here??)

Finally, little kiddies, I know it’s the end of the day for you but that doesn’t give you the right to come tearing into my workplace, demanding that I open up the content filter so you can check your porn.  Fuck off and do it at home.

GT out…

Current Mood:  annoyed

(with thanks to Doug Savage for his awesomely hilarious Savage Chicken webcomic.)

Ever have one of those days like the one above?  Reminds me of this time (no, not in Band Camp) when I received a “frantic” tech support call from this elderly gentleman who, ummm, let’s just say wasn’t “all there.”  It kinda went something like this:

Me:  ”Hi, Blah Blah, XYZ Company.  Me speaking.  How may I…”

Caller:  ”AAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!  ::banging noises::

Me:  ”Sir?  SIR?????  ARE YOU OKAY????”

Caller:  ”WHATTHEFUCKAREYOUGONNADOABOUTTHIS????”

Me:  ::crickets chirping::  ”Ummmm, I’m sorry, Sir, but would you please elaborate?  I’m really not sure what you’re talking about.”

Caller: ::more banging::  ”MY PRINTER’S BROKEN!!!!  MY PRINTER’S IN PIECES!!!!”

Me:  ”Your printer’s in pieces?”

Caller:  ”WHAT ARE YOU STUPID?  I SAID MY PRINTER’S IN PIECES!!!!”

Me:  ::ignoring that comment cuz we were paid to do that, of course:: “Sir, please try to calm down.  How did you printer get in pieces?”

Caller:  :::breathing slowly returning to normal::  ”I DROPPED….::clearing throat::…I dropped it on the floor.”

Me:  ::more crickets:: “You dropped it on the floor…”

Caller:  ”Yes.  And it’s brand new and I know it’s still under warranty.  OHMYGOD!!!!”  ::falling noises::  ”OH SHIT….I NEED AN AMBULANCE!!!!  I’VE FALLEN AND I CAN’T GET UP!!!!” (no kidding here, people; he really said that.)

Me:  ::thinking and realizing that this could be a Crank Yankers episode with Special Ed’s “I Got Mail” twist:: “Okay, Sir, please try to calm down.  I’m gonna see if I can get some help.  Please hold on for a minute.”  ::muting the phone and calling my coworkers over (hey, it was a slow night!)::

Caller: ::banging around and throwing expletives out with every other word::

Me: ::getting back on the phone:: “Sir, I need to ask you how this happened to your printer.”

Caller: ::focusing back on me now:: “IGOTPISSEDOFFATITANDDROPPEDITONTHEFLOOR!!!!”

Me: “You.  Dropped.  Your.  Printer.  On.  The.  Floor.”

Caller: “THAT’S WHAT I JUST SAID, YOU IDIOT!!!”

Me:  ::crickets…again:: “Okay, Sir.  Why did you drop your printer on the floor.”

Caller: ::expletives galore:: “BECAUSE IT WOULDN’T PRINT THIS PICTURE!!!  ::more subdued now:: I don’t think it liked me.”

Me:  ”You don’t think your printer liked you?  Why not?”

Caller:  ”Because…because it was a picture of a naked girl.”

Me:  ::mouth hanging open while listening to coworkers laughing their asses off:: “Sir, are you telling me you think your printer judged you??”

Caller:  ”Yes, yes, my printer JUDGED ME!!!”

Me:  ”Sir, ummm…I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you out.  Our warranty doesn’t cover customers throwing their printers on the floor because they think their printers judged them.”

Caller:  :::going off on a roll of cuss words::

Me: ::slowly punching the ‘disconnect’ button::

Now THAT’S a first.   Consider this a lesson, my friends.  The next time you have trouble printing pictures of your naked girly porn, be aware that your printer is probably judging you.

Current Mood:  cranky

Remember how I tend to like to enjoy my breakfast in peace and harmony without interruption but it usually doesn’t work out that way since I’m generally interrupted anyway by those who I just wish were dust bunnies to be flicked away?  This morning was one of those times.  Now, I rarely even get a “good morning” but when I do, it’s usually followed with a “I have a question,” or a complaint or bitch.  This particular morning, I wasn’t in the best of moods (oh, who are we kidding?) as I was here the previous night for three additional hours trying to fix an issue that involved a vendor.  Most of the time took trying to track down the support contract number since the Curmudgeon enjoys keeping that info to himself for some sort of job security, I guess.  But I still made it into work as I gotta pay my bills and this is the only place currently allowing me to do that.

This morning I had a conversation with an end user that went something like this:

Enduser: “Where you going?”

Me: “Ummm, to my desk.”

Enduser:  “I need to talk to you.”

Me: ::growing annoyed:: “What do we call this?”

Enduser: ::ignoring:: “How come I can’t log on to this area on our website?”

Me: “You might want to ask XXX, as he’s our ‘webmaster.’” (with heavy emphasis on “master” here.)

Enduser:  ::crickets chirping:: “Isn’t that technical?  Why can’t I ask you?”

Me: ::sigh:: “Because certain people do certain jobs.  I don’t handle the website.  Oh, would you know how I can get the toilet paper changed in building XXX as the men’s room is out?”

Enduser: “How the hell would I know?”

Me:  “Exactly.”

Enduser: ::blink, blink:: “Well, why can’t I get on to that part of the website?  Is he blocking me?”

Me: “Again, why don’t you ask him?”  ::walking away::

Here’s the kicker:  this guy is in charge of everything and anything related to servicing corporate vehicles.  Next time I need to sign a vehicle out, I’m…just…not going to.

Current Mood:  grumpy