Grumpy Techs

So I wonder if not posting in a while is a good thing or a bad thing.  Actually, it may be one of those times when not posting in a while allows everything to bottle up inside.  Quite possibly the case here.

First of all, I’d like to talk about respect.  I’ve always felt respect goes both ways, i.e. not only from the subordinate level up to management but vice versa as well.  Unfortunately, that’s just not the case here.  Here’s a taste of what I mean.

The following Grump regards the Big Boss’ printer which I, being the guy that sets up *all* the network printers, had nothing to do with.  The department head took it upon himself to make a “special” purchase for the BB without letting anyone know.  He didn’t take into consideration that we have a print server that all network printers must be added to.  In addition since this particular printer is wireless, this is the first time that we’ve ever incorporated a wireless network on the network.  Finally, we have a standard vendor/manufacturer we use for all of our printers (most IT shops are like that of course).  The department head failed to consult with us and randomly selected a printer we have no experience with.  Finally to top it all off, the department head is on vacation for a month, leaving us to deal with this issue.  Oh, how we’re so utterly incompetent, apparently!

Big Boss: “My printer doesn’t work. It hasn’t worked since you looked at it on Friday.  I really need this thing to work.” (The thing about the “Big Boss” is that this individual never gives anyone, especially us “geeks” the time of day except when there’s a problem.  No “hi” no “what have you been up to?” nothing)

Me: “I’ll be happy to come over there and look at it.  Please let me know when’s a good time.”

BB: “I’ll be out of the office until Thursday so come then.” (For reasons I won’t go into here, there’s a specific reasons why I cannot work on the printer before then.  Let’s just say it has to do with “lack of access.” ::sigh::)

Me: “Unfortunately, I’ll be in training as we’re implementing a new system for one of the departments and I’ll be getting up to speed on it Thursday and Friday.  How’s next week?”

BB: “That’s not good enough.  You’ll simply have to reschedule the training.  I need my printer fixed then.”

You can imagine how the conversation when after that.

Here’s another gem for you, dear reader.  Remember this one?  Yeah, I got an email from this person who, apparently, was basking in the sun on her back deck, sipping Pina Coladas before getting caught in the rain.  She wanted to know why *she* had a virus on *her* computer when *she* connected to *another network* that had *nothing to do with us.* May I get a “HUH???”  Exactly, my friends.  The kicker is that she’s not such a moron that she knows how to send a screen shot of the a/v software which detected the virus.  Here’s a bit of the conversation:

User: “Any idea what is up with this report?” (included said screenshot of a/v log)

Me: “Looks like a website you hit is trying to infect your computer w/ a virus.  Fortunately the anti-virus software blocked it.”

User: “Good to hear, but I did not access a website this morning at all!    Could it have been from days ago?”

Me: “I don’t know what websites you’re visiting so I’m not sure if you hit a site that infected your computer or if you clicked on a banner that said something like ‘click here because your computer is infected!’” (note: we’ve sent out *numerous* communiques about these banners and “please DON’T CLICK ON THEM!!!” I guess she didn’t get that memo.)

User: “This is an interesting question [sic].    What does it mean? -I’m at home……………..dial up, XXX Online service is what I use.”

I stopped communicating with this person at that point.  Ran. Out. Of. Time. (and wanted a beer.)

Onward and upward!

I encounter a lot of gossip where I work.  For the most part, I really don’t wish to partake in the gossip as I have a lot better (okay, perhaps not “better” but *more*) things to do than engage in an hour long discussion about how one can see the color of a coworker’s panties through her white slacks to why a senior manager spends so much time in the bathroom to whatever.  Personally, I prefer to go with the mantra of “the less I know, the better.”

That being said, I decided that today’s the day to official start the “gossip timer.”  There are a few individuals who work close to me, one in particular, who has, IMHO, juuuust a little too much time on her hands.  She constantly runs around in a frenzy, sometimes muttering “screw this” under her breath, to the point that I even wonder what she does around here.  Seems like she’d be a lot more productive focusing her energy on her actual work than portraying herself as “the martyr.”  I wouldn’t doubt coming to work one day and she’s in the middle of the floor, on her knees, screaming “SAVE ME, JAYZUSSSSSS!!!!”  I guess I’d have to keep a large distance for fear of lightning tearing through the roof and striking her down.

Alright, the time I started this blog post is 7:55am.  Timer’s ticking…  Oh, and there they go… Off to “whisperland.”

Update:  it lasted exactly 49 minutes.  Next series commences…now…

I’m fat.  I admit it.  I gained a good amount of weight in the past six months or so.  But that’s gonna change this summer when the “reduced” hours kick in and I’ll starve myself.  It’ll be fun!

That being said, I had a great time yesterday running all over the complex, hauling a 150+ pound network laser printer on a little wheelie cart.  Awesome fun.  Especially up to the point when I manhandled the thing off the cart, by myself, and placed it on the filing cabinet only to find out that someone had pilfered the network card right out of it.  Now, you’d think I would have enough common sense to ensure the printer had a network jack in it before leaving the shop.  Oh, no.  GT generally makes *assumptions* that there will be minor little details included such as a network jack or a power cord.  Needless to say, I hauled the printer back to shop where I managed to swiftly dump it on the floor since I failed to realize that this particular printer actually has *three*pieces to it, not two.  Buh bye, “little” printer!

After wheezing my way back to semi consciousness, I got a phone call that someone *else* wanted their printer moved as well.  With the last piece of conventional common sense I could muster, I advised them to put in a work order to request the printer be moved to the other location where I would then promptly appear to load the drivers on each respective workstation.  Common sense #2 fail for ‘ol GT, i.e.  “why didn’t I think of that for myself??”

Finally, back from the dead, I receive yet another call from a “big boss” who wanted me to replace the company workstation we “desperately needed” for him on such short notice with his personal CrapBook.  “Oh, but would we please put the network printer on it? Oh, and, of course, please take the original workstation back.”  Nothing like this place running at peak efficiency here!  Ranks right up there with moving offices and entire departments not only once or twice but THREE times all at the cost of running expensive fiber cable lines, etc.

Nothing like a bit of self-induced stimulus to help keep the company afloat, I guess.  After all, we don’t have anything else better to do.

Lately it’s been the email server but (knock on wood) that seems to be under control.  Now it’s one of the printers.  Only this time, it’s not the printer’s fault.  It’s (again) operator error.  (And, no, I’m not the operator.)

I get an email from one of our “brightest”:

“Hello, GT.  Our printer is out of ink.  What do we do?”

Well, let’s see, there could be a number of options.  You could kiss it gently and try to coax more ink out of it.  You could whack it over the imaging drum with a sledgehammer.  Or you could give me the model number and which color is out and I *might* be able to order it for you.

“Why do you need the color of ink and the model number?  Don’t you know what kind of printer we have over here?”

:::sigh:::  Let’s see…  On this 700+ workstation, 900+ user network which has about 30+ network printers, ummmm, no, I can’t remember which model *your* specific printer is nor do I have any “inkling” (like that one?) of which one of the four color cartridges are out.  Just bloody tell me so I can help you.

“Fine.  Whatever.  It’s a blah, blah and the **** color is out.”

See, wasn’t that fun???  And so painless too!

However, after checking, I discovered that the ink actually has about 30% of ink left.  Now, y’all may feel differently but being the green dude (“green” as in cheap.  I don’t give a shit about the environment.) I hate to waste good money, especially if it’ll save my budget at the end of the fiscal year and I can throw myself a keg party.

“But it says ‘low on ink.’  Just put a new one in.”

Further analysis finally prompts this gem from the end user:

“When I printed something, it came out in black and white.”

Me:  “Well, did you set the print job to ‘color’ for that job?”

Enduser:  “Set the job?  You mean I have to tell the printer to print in color???  Why doesn’t it just know???”

Wow.  Another impressive “rocket scientist.”

Yes, folks it’s time to “name that email”!  Here’s one that we received today which is sooooo totally related to work that I immediately took care of the enduser’s request!

XXXXX,

I received an email ice cream coupon from Ben & Jerry’s and I am unable to open it.  Is there anything I can do so that I am able to retrieve my birthday present from Ben & Jerry’s?  I don’t want to lose out on a free ice cream.

Any help would be greatly appreciated,

XXXXX

So, based on the tone and idiocy of this email, can you guess what level this employee is?  You can?  You’re CORRECT!!!  This is an “associate VP” position!  That being said you can assuredly bet I *immediately* took care of this email by immediately deleting it and blocking the B&J domain at our spam filter level from accessing her inbox ever again.  Now she’ll just *have* to remember the ice cream *surprise* for herself on her birthday.

This is why I get the big bucks, folks.