Grumpy Techs

Okay, seriously, Endusers, I *do* know if the network goes down simply because I would be unable to access World of Warcraft in the middle of the day.  That being said, please don’t tell me that the network has been down ALL DAY ‘cuz, seriously, it hasn’t been.

Also, if you’re gonna leave a voicemail on The Curmudgeon’s phone and his outgoing message states he won’t be in for the rest of the day, shouldn’t common sense dictate that you *might* wanna give me a call if you need help with sometime? I *may* or *may not* bite your head off out of the irritation I experience when I get a call from The Curmudgeon (as he sits in his doctor’s appointment getting his prostate checked.  TMI, y’all?) and I have to get back in touch with you in a silly, roundabout way only to find out that YOU are at a doctor’s appointment too.  (WTF? Is *everyone* falling apart around here??)

Finally, little kiddies, I know it’s the end of the day for you but that doesn’t give you the right to come tearing into my workplace, demanding that I open up the content filter so you can check your porn.  Fuck off and do it at home.

GT out…

Current Mood:  annoyed

I’m falling behind on my project list.  Yesterday was a huge help.  In addition to that, there are a number of reasons for this.   Some of them are pretty amusing; some annoying; all make me just say “I really don’t care.”

I received the following email from the same user that wanted me to “speed up” her ‘Net connection at home (actually, that one reminds me of  the time when one of the “big bosses” wanted me to sit by her home computer and make sure her ‘Net connection stays up.  Priceless.  And, this user also sent us this gem.):

“Did you uninstall my college internet connection for home, which was on my laptop when I went to lunch? Curiously enough, it is not installed now!”

You know, this one is so off the top, I don’t even know how to respond.  Yes, we just happened to break into your *work* laptop to remove your *personal* VPN connection.  Hell, do you even know what “VPN” stands for?  It’s certainly not “very perfect nutcase.”  We have nothing better to do than wait around for people to go to lunch and fuck with their laptops.  We like to think of it as “job security.”  So, yes, we did that.  Oh, and doesn’t it run much faster now?

Here’s another one:

“I can’t get into the XXX directory.  Did you change my password without telling me?”

Well, let’s see.  More job security because we figure if we change people’s passwords, they’ll *have* to come to us to get them back on track.  But, with a little bit of troubleshooting, we come to find out that your account was actually “locked out.”  So, you see, this means that not only did *you* not know *your own* password, *you* actually locked *yourself* out.  But because the domain controller has feelings, it decided to pick on *you* today because you were mean to me.  Never, ever piss off the domain controller.  It is your friend.  (But, I’ll be nice and reset your password for you and we’ll never tell another soul that this was actually *your* doing.  I’ll gladly take the blame.)

And one more time waster to prevent me from working on anything worthy is a “requirement” to attend a vendor mini-conference today.  (Actually, this one was kinda cool as it was about cloud-based computing.)  All the while, however, I had to listen to the Curmudgeon share how “great” his son’s company is.  Now, a little Google digging will reveal that his kid’s company has actually received a number of customer complaints that were submitted to the BBB.

I guess the apple really doesn’t fall that far from the tree.  (Actually, I almost wish *I* worked there so I could treat people like shit!  Oh, but wait, I already do that.  But maybe I’d make more $$.)

Here we go:

• Curmudgeon gets off his lazy ass to share with me how much his son is making to build a survey application for a government website.  Survey Monkey “isn’t good enough.”  $150 an hour for a Cold Fusion app.  Didn’t Allaire sell Cold Fusion to Adobe about eight years ago and is even phasing it out in favor of “Bolt”?  Actually, Curmudgeon Jr. should be commended for bullshitting a government entity to rely on him using an obsolete programming language.  Wonder what’ll happen when the application breaks.
• Curmudgeon decided to “ramp up” the anti-virus scanning policies across all the servers.  Instead of staggering them across a wide schedule, he launches the policies at the same time, pretty much bringing our entire VM environment to its knees.  I had to “save the day” by putting our two ESX boxes into mainteance mode (one at a time, of course), migrating the VMs to the first dying ESX box, bringing the HA functionality back up and stabilizing it then bringing then moving the VM’s to the other ESX box prior to bringing it down and stablizing that one.  Now I’m dealing with broken file share permission issues so Curmudgeon called Microsloth and used one of our two critical support calls per year.  Oh, and the kicker is he’s blaming all of this on my Ubuntu box that just sits there and runs Nagios.
• Calls coming in left and right about the downed file server thanks to the previous bullet line.  Of course, everyone’s up in arms because they “HAVE TO GET THESE PROJECTS DONE FOR XXXXXXX DAY!!!!”  People, we’re having bigger problems than that.
• Kicker of the day:  While at lunch, I get the “I know you’re eating but we really need to have these issues fixed, mmm’kay??”  Yeah, okay, Mrs. Lumbergh, I’ll get right on it.  Just as soon as I down this fifth of tequila.
• Business manager tries to get into an argument with me, telling me *I* hooked the MFP machine up to everyone’s workstation on the network.  I politely informed him that I gave the vendor an IP address for the network but that’s where my involvement stopped.  Of course, he insists that *I* got *his* machine hooked up.  Of course, I just happened to have the email the vendor sent to me several months ago, confirming his connecting the business manager’s laptop to the MFP machine.  Yeah, and *I* need a CAT scan?

More tomorrow, I’m sure!

Current Mood:  grumpy

Considering the day I had yesterday, one might think one would get a break.  Oh, contrare.  (Actually, if one were to think that in the first place, one would like a bit of one’s crack for one’s self.)  Today started out almost the same way but with some added twists.  (Isn’t that always the case?)

That being said, we received the following email:

Upon deleting recycling bin the message appeared……..can not delete folder Dc10.   So, I opened the bin to put folder back in My Pics……….it is not there!   Now, every time I delete Rbin, I get this message first before I am allowed to delete anything.  I have done a search for this folder in hidden files and elsewhere.  It comes up empty!

I was in “My Pictures” folder.  Deleted folder that appeared to have nothing in it.  Dc10 to be exact.

What can I do, if anything, to correct the situation?

The great thing is that this is one of our “genius” employees who happened to ask me another tech support question a couple of months ago.  Well, between setting up “emegency” computers and wiping out viruses, we’re reaaaally not able to help anyone with their personal problems right now.  I would suggest perhaps contacting Dr. Phil or Ann Landers about any personal problems but I’m more than happy to give you some suggestions.  But, being the “nice guy” I am, I managed to send a reply  back, asking her if it’s a Canon DC10 camera and, if so, the folder is probably trying to regenerate itself whenever she syncs the camera.  I also stated, as well as the curmudgeon did, that we’re exceptionally busy right now and unless her computer’s not functioning, she’ll have to basically take a number.  Here’s the response I got:

Thanks.  I know you’re busy.  How can I keep the folder from reinstalling?

Apparently, “we’re really busy right now” doesn’t qualify in her world.

On another note, I was asked to install a “creative suite” application for another employee.  This person is usually pretty tech savvy (I know, I know.) so I told him I can’t get to it right now but feel free to grab the DVD.  He came right over and picked it up but managed to spend about 10 minutes asking me if I’m sure it’ll work on the type of hardware he has.  “Dude, is ‘I can’t help you right now’ code for ‘By all means, please let me take care of that for you. You just relax.’”  I think a proctologist would be a better candidate for that.

All in all, I think I’ll start think up ways to mess with people like the yanking of the monitor’s power cable or the fake desktop background.  Feel free to drop us a line if you have any suggestions and we’ll share!

Current Mood:  grumpy

Thought this might be a perfect opportunity for me to share how a typical day goes for a grumpy tech.  For those who may relate, feel free to comment and let me know if I’m off base or close.

8am – Stuff myself with oatmeal, a piece of sausage and Crystal Light strawberry with a splash of vodka mixed in (not bad, eh?).  Sauntered over to my desk where I found a Crapple CrackBook No sitting on my desk.  The topping is that my wireless mouse and mousepad had been placed *on top* of the laptop.  I guess this is one’s way of saying “FIX THIS NOW BEFORE YOU TURN ON YOUR OWN COMPUTER!!!” The kicker is that the laptop’s owner calls me at 8:05am to “just inquire if my laptop is finished.”  “Ummmm, no,” is my stand reply, of course, followed by a BSSSTZZZZAAAAPPPPPP and the phone being subtly hung up.  I *hate* when the phone system acts up.

8:10am – I overhear one of our “technical assistants” talking to an enduser about our email system, saying how “it’s the best!!!” while the enduser shares a number of frustrating issues about it.  “No, it’s *the best*,” comes the standard reply.  That’s great to relay your opinion but how about getting off your ass and helping the enduser figure out how to effectively use the system?  Oh, and, by the way, our email system does *suck*.

8:30am – After surfing Google Reader and catching up on my comics, I decide to turn on the CrackBook and start looking into the problem which is:  “My Acrobat PDF Printer all of a sudden ‘disappeared’ from the printer menu and I need this fixed immediately.” (Oh, but, *of course* you do.) Realizing I should probably do some actual work, I fire up the CrackBook and begin removing all of the related applications.  (I wonder if I should have left the actual operating system intact?  Oh well.)  Because Acrobat’s “owner” likes to install about 4Gb worth of crap on a “basic” installation, I figure it’ll take about two hours to install.

9am – The laptop’s owner calls me to tell me she has an “important email I *must* send out before a meeting at 10am.” Again, of course you do.  She comes over and decides to perch herself at the corner of my desk while checking her email at the same time I’m reinstalling the software, mind you.  The caveat is when she complains about her computer “running too slow.”  Oh, you think?  Of course, with all that going down, I decide to leave the Princess to her own devices and go grab a cup of coffee long enough so that she won’t be around when I get back.  That ploy works.  She did leave her cell number so I can call her when I’m done.  Yeah, I’ll get on that too.  But, perhaps the best part of all this is that she leaves her snotty nose paper sitting on the corner of my desk.  Of course, I just had to wrap her power cord around the tissue which I’m hoping she’ll appreciate when she gets back.

9:30am – I receive another call from someone whose computer “won’t turn on.”  I ask if they held the power button down for 10 seconds.  “Yes, I need you to fix it NOW!!!” Again, of course you do (Hey, might be a good idea for another category.)  I politely inform her that I’m currently working on another computer and I’ll get over there when I can.  :::SIGH::: (Actually, it sounded like a Hoover vacuum cleaner blowing dust.) “FINE!!! But I need this working ASAP!!!”  Ummm hmmm…  Update: The power cord to the power brick was unplugged.  Awww…

9:50am – One of the “big bosses” who’s not technically capable of anything…at all…comes up to me and demands I look at her printer…right now.  “Yeah, okay.  And good morning to you too.”  Of course, all I get in return is a blank stare.  Now, this person is on the verge of retiring so I’m hoping that Alzheimer’s hasn’t begun to shut her down entirely.  This thought promptly goes out of my head and makes me think it’s already too late when I simply power turn her printer, turn it back on and, voila, it works.  Yes, I ran a ping to see about connectivity.  All’s fine.  Of course, I receive no “thank you” or anything.  Yeah, you’re welcome.

12:48am – The curmudgeon and I received an email from one of the “big bosses” demanding that we set up a workstation in his conference room and that this is “of the most utmost priority.”  Oh, and he wants this done by this Friday.  No problem that our budget is done for the year.  Your wish is our command.  Oh, and we’ll contact our PC vendor and have them Jetson-rocket it to us within an hour or so.

2:30pm – The Princess picked up her laptop and stated, in a disgusted manner, “I guess you want me to throw this Kleenex away.” Actually, Lady, I was hoping to hang it off the yardarm and salute it every morning.

I would go on but really don’t want to make this one into a 1,000 word blog entry.  You get the gist.  Let’s see how tomorrow will go, shall we?

Current Mood:  grumpy